i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
