i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
