The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
