I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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