She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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