Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize