ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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