i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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