i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
