She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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