Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
