Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
