I want to stick my p in your. b.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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