Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
