i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
