I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
