i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
only you would photoshop your dick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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