I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
