Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
