My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
