I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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