don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
