Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
