no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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