If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
