Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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