I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
