Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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