i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
