even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize