Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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