Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
