you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize