...so i touched it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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