The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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