He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
