Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
