Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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