And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
