woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
