Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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