you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
