Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
