I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
