I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
