So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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