I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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