Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everclear isn't food dammit
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
