I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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