Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize