I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
