A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
