even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
