I don't think brook has ever known best
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
