If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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