you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
