all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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