The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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