I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
a search helicopter?!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
