Jerry, you need to find god
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
