I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
