so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How naked do you want me to be?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize