My friends, they love my intelligence
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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