I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
