It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
