i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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