You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
